The first thing that pops into someone’s head when I tell them that I’m gay is, “He’s going to have sex with everything and everyone he can.” This hurts my feelings more than anyone will ever realize. Dad’s been big on this topic and likes to use it against me any chance he gets. “I don’t want to have to wait by your hospital bed side and watch you suffer from AIDs,” he’ll tell me. “Then don’t,” I’ll reply back and turn to walk away. Truth is, he could get AIDs just as easily. Being gay doesn’t exclude me from having common sense.
The thing is… I’m just like everyone else. I have feelings, and I certainly have insecurities. But beyond all of that, I have not only the capacity to love, but the want and need to love and be loved in return just as everyone else does. So why is it that being gay somehow eliminates that from the equation when I discuss this with other people? Why do they assume I’m just a horny monkey who will hump anything half good looking?
For the record, that isn’t me at all. I don’t walk the halls at school and think to myself, “Damn, I’d fuck that.” My dad and everyone else who assumes that is wrong. I view the world as best as I can. I view everyone as good, decent human beings with the same ability to love as me. Why is that so hard for people to believe? Why can’t they see that love is love, no matter what genders are involved. It’s truly not a hard concept to grasp.
I hope for a day where we can all be on the same page, where we can all view people with love, not hatred, and where we can stop assuming what’s wrong and start asking the questions to get us the answer that’s right.
I don’t think you realize how much I care. If you think I can’t understand something, I think you’d be wrong. I understand a whole hell of a lot. Maybe you think I can’t relate? Sure we may not share the same problems but guess what, I’ve been judged my whole life. I know what that’s like, too.
I guess since I’ve convinced myself I was backing off, I felt like I had to put all this somewhere. Just know that I’m here, even if it makes no difference at all.
When I received the assignment to write a speech about advice, I was a little apprehensive on how well that would actually go. I first thought to myself, I haven’t had enough life experience to give life advice. However, when I considered all that I had witnessed, been through, and dealt with, I came to the conclusion that maybe I was capable of giving advice. After all, I had seen enough relationships end and start back up again. I have also gained and lost many friends. Why wouldn’t I be able to give at least some advice? In my high school experience, I’ve noticed how much people actually focus on the drama in their lives. When I compared that to how my parents acted, I could never understand how my parents were the ones who were more realistic. They had bills to pay, three kids to take care of, and jobs to hold. Yet, when compared to high school kids, my parents were the ones who had it all together. I think that is because as teenagers we live for our friends. What I mean by that is that we hang on to those around us who make us feel special and loved, but as soon as those people change, grow up, or move on we find ourselves lost again. I think everyone in this room has been through that at least once or twice. I know I have. I believe it’s healthy to have friends, but it’s also important that we learn how to deal with change. The sooner we can adapt to change, the less time we have to waste on pointless drama. Confucius’s quote sums it up beautifully, “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” Another reason we, as high school students, are more dramatic than adults is that we have not yet experienced as much as our parents or teachers have. Adults already know how it feels to lose and gain friends and probably have already sifted through the good and bad ones in their lives. We are still going through that at our age. We still struggle to figure out which of our friends are exceptional people, people we can trust with anything. As Fredrick Douglass put it, “If there is no struggle, this is no progress.” So I suggest to you, do whatever it takes to find out which of your friends are those worth keeping. Struggle through it, but be glad you’re progressing. Another point I’d like to bring up is the idea that you have to make everyone around you happy. You don’t. I’ve noticed first hand what kind of toll that can take on you when you decide to sacrifice your own happiness for those around you. This somewhat ties into peer pressure. For instance, if a friend of mine doesn’t like another friend, then they might ask me to discontinue my friendship with that other friend. I can remember way too many times where I’ve lost friends in situations like this. I learned the hard way but I’m here to tell you that if a friend is going to ask you to choose them over someone else, then they probably aren’t the kind of friend worth keeping around anyways. I think a true friend should already know that they’re important to you and jealousy should never be an issue. Parents can do this to us as well. They may want something for us that we don’t, like college choices or career choices. Have you ever been in a situation where you told your parents you wanted to be one thing, but they wanted you to be something else? I know I have. Maybe every person in your family has been a doctor until you decided you wanted to be an engineer. I cannot express how important your happiness is though. You wouldn’t succeed as a doctor if being an engineer was what made you happy. Is happiness not what gets us up in the morning? I know that when I’m not happy, it takes me longer to get up and face the day. I’ve also noticed that on days I’m the happiest, I’ll do better in my relationships and school work. Honestly, fight for your happiness because ultimately it is your own and no one else’s. It shouldn’t revolve around anyone else either. In all seriousness, life is a crazy, disorganized, chaotic realm of misfortune, luck, happiness, sadness, and everything in between. We have to take the good with the bad and hope for the best almost every day of our lives. However, I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it. We have to lose friends to gain better, life-long ones. We have to experience sadness to appreciate happiness. Most of all we have to change to grow and growth is enviably what causes us to become who we’re supposed to be. One of my favorite quotes by Lady GaGa is, “You have to be unique, and different, and shine in your own way.” I believe she’s right. Our happiness, friends, and choices are our own. Embrace them.
Keep thinking you’re a good person. Keep thinking you’re better than me. Enjoy doing your damn yard work on your own.
You think taking driving privileges away effects me at all? I haven’t driven anywhere with your car in at least a month. I don’t need you and I can’t wait until you realize that.
I’m going to enjoy MY day doing what I need to get done. And yes, that IS Lady GaGa blaring from my room. Enjoy :)