Sure, it’s easy for everyone else to tell me how to go about dealing with this situation, but I honestly can’t make my choice.
My great grandma’s had a heart attack and is currently in the hospital back home in WV. Of course, almost everyone would tell me, “Why are you even considering staying home? Go up there and be with your family.” Truth is, I don’t want to.
The last time a grandparent was in the hospital, we all stood around and watched him pass away. Watching my grandfather die easily could be described as the hardest part of my life. Since my great grandmother has three days to live at the most, I don’t exactly want to go through that again.
With that being said, there’s always more to an equation in my life. Going back to Parkersburg means inevitably reliving my past, which I’ve done enough without familiarities to add to it. I’ve always told myself I’d never go back there.
Do I want to see my friends? Yes, of course. Do I want to see them under these circumstances? Hell. No. Some good may come out of all of this, and for a while I’ve been looking for a break. But could this be considered a break if you’re watching a loved onedie in front of you? I don’t think anyone would call that fun.
As much as I hate admitting it, maybe I have to go. Maybe this is all just a test. Karma can be a bitch so I’ve heard, and I know it’s selfish of me to stay here while everyone else runs home to attend to this tragedy. So.. I guess I’m going home.
There are some people in your life that you just can’t bare to get rid of, am I right? I know I’ve had people like that in my life, some of which I sadly had to say good bye to. These people will never be forgotten, but it’s understood that a friendship is no longer in the cards for us.
Sometimes we lose sight of who we are or what our beliefs are, and that can convince others, not mention ourselves, to give up on us. A friend once told me, “You know who you are, bud, you just need to take a break and go soul searching. You’ll find out that you were right all along.” And you know what, I think he was right. I think we all could use a "soul-searching break" every once and a while.
For me, I’ve had many opportunities, experiences, and situations to learn from, as I’m sure we all have. These certain moments in life mark instances of growth and ultimately reveal our paths into our futures. Through these moments I’ve both lost and gained good friends.
All in all, I’m still learning to cope without certain people and instead, cope with new people. So far it’s been a rough ride, but I’ve got no other choice than to have faith that I’ll pull through this like I have everything else. I’m looking forward to the day where I can say I have solid relationships with true friends.
We both threw our hands in the air yelling, “I surrender!” Yet, I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if we didn’t. Would we have lasted? Probably not, even I can answer that.
That doesn’t stop me from missing you, though, and it doesn’t stop me from wishing you were here with me right now. As much as I want to move on with my life, I can’t. Is it because of you? Yes.
We’ve got unfinished business, you and I. My dreams, my memories, my very reasons for getting up in the morning, used to revolve around you. Now, I feel empty… lost somehow. And sure, it’s been forever since we’ve held that stable bond, but I can’t stop wishing it’d come back.
I guess I’m out of luck. Or maybe I’m luckier this way. I suppose I haven’t decided yet.
I just recently helped a friend of mine with some relationship issues and I have to be honest… faith is a huge factor in all of it. We have to believe that the ones we love will choose to do the right thing, but even the ones we look up to the most mess up. In a situation like that all I can say is, “It would’ve happened anyways.”
In the long haul, I guess no amount of faith can ensure perfection. But I don’t believe it’s perfection we should expect. “Perfection is nice but if you want it, you have to be prepared to give it.” - Lucinda Walsh - ATWT. And who’s prepared to give perfection? I don’t think any of us are.
It comes down to faith, simply because it’s truly all we have to rely on. That’s my take at least.
In “A Missing Link” the fourth episode of Alias’s third season, our main character, Sydney Bristow, is currently undercover on an operation to figure out why she went missing for two years and doesn’t remember a thing. The group she is undercover with believes she is loyal to them, but we all know she’s actually with the CIA.
At the beginning of the episode, the group obtains pictures of her and her CIA partner, Michael Vaughn, together and believes she is double crossing them. She convinces them that he’s her weapon supplier though, and they believe her. They proceed with their mission and all is well. Until, a jeep pulls up, and a man steps out, dragging Vaughn out of the jeep with him. Sydney is forced to show no emotion as her partner, whom she’s in love with, is accurately accused for working with the CIA.
The head of the group believe, right off the bat of course, that Sydney’s weapon supplier was the only traitor, and not Sydney herself. When he lefts his gun to Vaughn’s head, Sydney yells, “Wait!” The group looks at her. “I wanna do it,” she replied. “If I’m the one he’s been betraying, I want to be the one to do it.” She grabs a knife from one of the group members, looks Vaughn dead in the eyes and says, “You never should’ve betrayed me.” She plunges the knife into his gut, as she slips the tracking device she’s supposed to use on the groups item into his coat, and he falls over the hill and rolls down.
I find this interesting, not because she stabbed the man she’s in love with, but because stabbing him was the only way to ensure he lived. The head of the group would’ve simply shot him and moved on, but Sydney saved his life the quickest and only way she knew how.
Three hours later, she’s able to get to a payphone, call the CIA through a secure line, and inform them to activate the tracking device so that they can save Vaughn’s life. Not only did she save his life, but she compromised her mission to do so by using the tracking device on him.
I wish knew how much I truly love you. I wish you knew how much I absolutely miss you. No matter what though, even if you use the harshest words that exist, I’ll always view you as the best friend I’ve ever had.
So here’s to moving on I presume.
And I’m left to pray that one day
we’ll bump into each other on the streets or in a store.
I hope that day comes soon though,
cause I’m unsure on how much more loneliness I can endure.
I have always been a strong believer of fate. I am not entirely sure why, but the idea that fate is behind everything has always been my way of thinking. However, I am not one to believe that fate controls us. I believe that through our actions, fate makes its way into our world and brings the outcome to a conclusion, good or bad.
To use an example from Macbeth, the three witches tell Banquo that he will not be a king but his children will live on to one day hold the throne. Even though Macbeth finds the need to take things into his own hands and speed up the prophecies in his attempt to murder both Banquo and his son Fleance, Fleance manages to escape. The fact Fleance was able to escape proves true the fate the three witches presented to Macbeth and Banquo. Assuming the three witches were correct, this shows us that we have the free will to act upon things but fate will always play out in the same manner. Of course, this could just be coincidence, but like John Locke tells Jack Shephard in Lost, “Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.” I believe he has a point and that everything does, in fact, happen for a reason.
All of this is debatable, and there is no right or wrong answer, but I think that is the point. If fate was something that was concrete, then we’d all believe the same thing, and I cannot imagine a world designed that way. The Anglo-Saxons had a reason for believing in wyrd and I think that reason still exists in our culture today.
Essentially, the idea that we do not create the bad things in life can somewhat ease our restlessness when it comes to guilt or regret. Not only that, but we have one shot at life and there is no going back, which means there’s no proof of fate really occurring or not occurring. Considering everything, I think that fate does exist, but so does free will in the sense that we make the decisions that lead to our fate. One cannot exist without the other.