To See the World in a Grain of Sand

Sure, it’s easy for everyone else to tell me how to go about dealing with this situation, but I honestly can’t make my choice.

My great grandma’s had a heart attack and is currently in the hospital back home in WV. Of course, almost everyone would tell me, “Why are you even considering staying home? Go up there and be with your family.” Truth is, I don’t want to.

The last time a grandparent was in the hospital, we all stood around and watched him pass away. Watching my grandfather die easily could be described as the hardest part of my life. Since my great grandmother has three days to live at the most, I don’t exactly want to go through that again.

With that being said, there’s always more to an equation in my life. Going back to Parkersburg means inevitably reliving my past, which I’ve done enough without familiarities to add to it. I’ve always told myself I’d never go back there.

Do I want to see my friends? Yes, of course. Do I want to see them under these circumstances? Hell. No. Some good may come out of all of this, and for a while I’ve been looking for a break. But could this be considered a break if you’re watching a loved one die in front of you? I don’t think anyone would call that fun.

As much as I hate admitting it, maybe I have to go. Maybe this is all just a test. Karma can be a bitch so I’ve heard, and I know it’s selfish of me to stay here while everyone else runs home to attend to this tragedy. So.. I guess I’m going home.

There are some people in your life that you just can’t bare to get rid of, am I right? I know I’ve had people like that in my life, some of which I sadly had to say good bye to. These people will never be forgotten, but it’s understood that a friendship is no longer in the cards for us.

Sometimes we lose sight of who we are or what our beliefs are, and that can convince others, not mention ourselves, to give up on us. A friend once told me, “You know who you are, bud, you just need to take a break and go soul searching. You’ll find out that you were right all along.” And you know what, I think he was right. I think we all could use a “soul-searching break” every once and a while.

For me, I’ve had many opportunities, experiences, and situations to learn from, as I’m sure we all have. These certain moments in life mark instances of growth and ultimately reveal our paths into our futures. Through these moments I’ve both lost and gained good friends.

All in all, I’m still learning to cope without certain people and instead, cope with new people. So far it’s been a rough ride, but I’ve got no other choice than to have faith that I’ll pull through this like I have everything else. I’m looking forward to the day where I can say I have solid relationships with true friends.

You are not my priority or my responsibility.

When your ex tells you, “We need to have a little chat.”

I’ll be up for a while…